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Author Topic: Problems in America  (Read 2138 times)

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Offline Rubia17

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Problems in America
« on: January 05, 2017, 06:44:12 pm »
Before I begin I'm asking everyone to be as nice as possible

I'm the USC and I'm struggling having my husband here in my country. We came here Nov he struggled to find work but the day he did I went into labor and he missed our daughter birth he actually walked out the house after I said I'm going to the hospital what a pendejo right ?? I was actually 8 cm dilated when I got there and gave birth 30 min later. Our daughter is a blessing to me she came back zika negative thank God.
Now that's he's working his money became his money and now it's him sending money back home to his family every week. I feel distant with him I feel I'll never be excepted in his family or life (I'm a gringa) and my daughter will be the same being half white. I am trying to make my marriage work but I'm being controlled by him I have no say in anything. One thing I can say my husband is faithful but am I supposed to forget everything else and just deal with it ?? Is this normal?? I thought his wife and daughter would be the most important thing in his world but I feel like we'll never compare to his mommy and daddy and siblings.  Don't get me wrong I love my in laws I spent the last 8 months in Dr with them but they need to understand his daughter should come first and I know how hard it is in Dr and how crappy the pay is but come on it can't be every week. I tried talking to him which doesn't go right it's always its his money and he can do what he wants and I'm not his problem.
Thank you to anyone who reads this I don't know where to turn I'm alone in a new state because that's where he wanted to go ugghhhhh

Bring Your Dominican Family to the USA - Dominicans to the USA

Problems in America
« on: January 05, 2017, 06:44:12 pm »

Online D-mo

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Re: Problems in America
« Reply #1 on: January 05, 2017, 07:59:29 pm »
Before I begin I'm asking everyone to be as nice as possible

I'm the USC and I'm struggling having my husband here in my country. We came here Nov he struggled to find work but the day he did I went into labor and he missed our daughter birth he actually walked out the house after I said I'm going to the hospital what a pendejo right ?? I was actually 8 cm dilated when I got there and gave birth 30 min later. Our daughter is a blessing to me she came back zika negative thank God.
Now that's he's working his money became his money and now it's him sending money back home to his family every week. I feel distant with him I feel I'll never be excepted in his family or life (I'm a gringa) and my daughter will be the same being half white. I am trying to make my marriage work but I'm being controlled by him I have no say in anything. One thing I can say my husband is faithful but am I supposed to forget everything else and just deal with it ?? Is this normal?? I thought his wife and daughter would be the most important thing in his world but I feel like we'll never compare to his mommy and daddy and siblings.  Don't get me wrong I love my in laws I spent the last 8 months in Dr with them but they need to understand his daughter should come first and I know how hard it is in Dr and how crappy the pay is but come on it can't be every week. I tried talking to him which doesn't go right it's always its his money and he can do what he wants and I'm not his problem.
Thank you to anyone who reads this I don't know where to turn I'm alone in a new state because that's where he wanted to go ugghhhhh

He's obviously not here for your benefit.

In DR, men are not typically allowed to be present during child birth. But one a real man isn't gonna just walk out the door when his wife tells him she is in labor.

Also, why are you in a new state? And What State is it?

D-mo
« Last Edit: January 05, 2017, 08:02:10 pm by D-mo »
"You can't fix stupid"  Ron White

Offline Rubia17

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Re: Problems in America
« Reply #2 on: January 05, 2017, 08:19:55 pm »
Before I begin I'm asking everyone to be as nice as possible

I'm the USC and I'm struggling having my husband here in my country. We came here Nov he struggled to find work but the day he did I went into labor and he missed our daughter birth he actually walked out the house after I said I'm going to the hospital what a pendejo right ?? I was actually 8 cm dilated when I got there and gave birth 30 min later. Our daughter is a blessing to me she came back zika negative thank God.
Now that's he's working his money became his money and now it's him sending money back home to his family every week. I feel distant with him I feel I'll never be excepted in his family or life (I'm a gringa) and my daughter will be the same being half white. I am trying to make my marriage work but I'm being controlled by him I have no say in anything. One thing I can say my husband is faithful but am I supposed to forget everything else and just deal with it ?? Is this normal?? I thought his wife and daughter would be the most important thing in his world but I feel like we'll never compare to his mommy and daddy and siblings.  Don't get me wrong I love my in laws I spent the last 8 months in Dr with them but they need to understand his daughter should come first and I know how hard it is in Dr and how crappy the pay is but come on it can't be every week. I tried talking to him which doesn't go right it's always its his money and he can do what he wants and I'm not his problem.
Thank you to anyone who reads this I don't know where to turn I'm alone in a new state because that's where he wanted to go ugghhhhh

He's obviously not here for your benefit.

In DR, men are not typically allowed to be present during child birth. But one a real man isn't gonna just walk out the door when his wife tells him she is in labor.

Also, why are you in a new state? And What State is it?

D-mo

He said he didn't understand me when I said I was in labor his English sucks but it's still something I'm upset about and probably never will get over. When I needed him he walked out the door 😓 
His friend is in New York and that's where we are though we barley see him I don't like him at all and I hate hearing his name his whole family is bad . We haven't been married long and we're also new parents which makes the situation more stressful. But at this point I won't allow my daughter to get a passport even know that seems evil of me until I feel like me and my daughter are on the same level as his family I won't allow her to go there and me also he can go back whenever he wants we're staying here. I also won't have anything joint to protect myself when it comes time for him to roc. I'm very familiar with the visa process and that's going to be the thing that will bite him in the culo

Online D-mo

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Re: Problems in America
« Reply #3 on: January 07, 2017, 03:17:08 pm »
Before I begin I'm asking everyone to be as nice as possible

I'm the USC and I'm struggling having my husband here in my country. We came here Nov he struggled to find work but the day he did I went into labor and he missed our daughter birth he actually walked out the house after I said I'm going to the hospital what a pendejo right ?? I was actually 8 cm dilated when I got there and gave birth 30 min later. Our daughter is a blessing to me she came back zika negative thank God.
Now that's he's working his money became his money and now it's him sending money back home to his family every week. I feel distant with him I feel I'll never be excepted in his family or life (I'm a gringa) and my daughter will be the same being half white. I am trying to make my marriage work but I'm being controlled by him I have no say in anything. One thing I can say my husband is faithful but am I supposed to forget everything else and just deal with it ?? Is this normal?? I thought his wife and daughter would be the most important thing in his world but I feel like we'll never compare to his mommy and daddy and siblings.  Don't get me wrong I love my in laws I spent the last 8 months in Dr with them but they need to understand his daughter should come first and I know how hard it is in Dr and how crappy the pay is but come on it can't be every week. I tried talking to him which doesn't go right it's always its his money and he can do what he wants and I'm not his problem.
Thank you to anyone who reads this I don't know where to turn I'm alone in a new state because that's where he wanted to go ugghhhhh

He's obviously not here for your benefit.

In DR, men are not typically allowed to be present during child birth. But one a real man isn't gonna just walk out the door when his wife tells him she is in labor.

Also, why are you in a new state? And What State is it?

D-mo

He said he didn't understand me when I said I was in labor his English sucks but it's still something I'm upset about and probably never will get over. When I needed him he walked out the door 😓 
His friend is in New York and that's where we are though we barley see him I don't like him at all and I hate hearing his name his whole family is bad . We haven't been married long and we're also new parents which makes the situation more stressful. But at this point I won't allow my daughter to get a passport even know that seems evil of me until I feel like me and my daughter are on the same level as his family I won't allow her to go there and me also he can go back whenever he wants we're staying here. I also won't have anything joint to protect myself when it comes time for him to roc. I'm very familiar with the visa process and that's going to be the thing that will bite him in the culo


Unfortunately, it sounds like there is probably more for him in New York than you know about. His friend is likely his cover.... This type of situation is a very frequent occurrence. I hope I am wrong about that, but he wouldn't be the first to fit the mold and the scenario sounds extremely familiar. Have you ever heard the saying... "Show me who your friends are and I will show you who YOU are"?

In my mind, my wife and kids come before anyone else...... including my parents! Most men can in general agree with that. If a family member needs help, sure I would do what I could, but I will not put my wife and kids out to do it.

It sounds like he is just planning on biding his time as long as he can to make sure he gains permanent residency as easily as possibly before he bolts. Make no mistake, just because he entered with a CR1, it doesn't mean he can't gain IR1 without you. It happens all the time!

D-mo
"You can't fix stupid"  Ron White

Offline Jenny429

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Re: Problems in America
« Reply #4 on: January 07, 2017, 07:52:57 pm »
Rubia,

You need out.. You need to move on.  You need to take your baby and go back home, or go somewhere else.  I wouldn't make a big deal and just leave because it could turn into something worse.  I know we've spoken before as your story sounds very familiar.  I knew it when I first spoke to you what he was doing.

Look, you are in a very bad place.  What has happened, happened and your world feels like it's over.  You may be embarrassed, etc.  But what is going to happen is you will be MORE embarrassed if you stay with him.  You have a new baby to take care of, and he may not have a desire to be in her life.  Has nothing to do with her being 1/2 white.  His family is in on his crap, and if they aren't thrilled to have a 1/2 white grandchild it's because the baby was for all the wrong reasons.  It was his way into the country..

Be careful.  Get some money, pack your bags and get out of there.  I'm really serious.  If he wants to work on his marriage with you he will go back to Ohio (Was that where it was?) or wherever your family is.  But you should not stay where you are.. (Nothing to do with NY, I'm from NY... just has a LOT to do with who he is and what he's doing)..

I'm so sorry you are going through this..  You are young, and you will get through this.. You have to think of your beautiful daughter and you need to get her out of there, back home with your family.. and start your life over.. it's not too late... You've got a beautiful life ahead of you... move on.

I'm sorry :(

Jennifer
<3 Jenny <3
6/9/2011 - Met Francisco while living in the DR became wonderful friends..
2/14/2013 - Married Francisco
9/5/2013 Deposited I-130 via DCF
10/2/2013 Received NOA2
10/28/2013 - Visa Approved
11/1/2013 - Visa Delivered
11/9/2013 - Arrived in NY
9/21/2016 - Greencard without conditions arrived!
Studying for Citizenship now.. :)

Offline Rubia17

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Re: Problems in America
« Reply #5 on: January 08, 2017, 12:45:36 pm »
Thank you to both of you for your kind words. I'm just so lost right now I try talking to my husband but it doesnt get anywhere. He feels bad because his family is hungry and both his mother and father are sick he thinks it's his job to feed and support them. I feel like this will always be a problem for us no matter what we go through. I know how hard it is being away from the only life you know I spent my pregnancy in Dr away from my family even when my grandmother had a surgery and feeling like I couldn't help her at all. I hope he's just having a hard time adjusting, I've known this man for 3 years he was my best friend first he helped me through one of the hardest times in my life almost 2 years ago. With all do respect d-mo and Jennifer I hope your both wrong about him. Regarding his friend they barley talk and he doesn't come around at all he's alot younger than my husband also so he's more into the single life even know he's married and lives with his ex. I think he's a bad influence on my husband and don't like him for those reasons but it's not like they hang out or anything my husband goes to work and comes home he doesn't drink or smoke not even close to the hanky panky type at all. I just wish there was more compromise when it came to our marriage

Offline Jenny429

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Re: Problems in America
« Reply #6 on: January 08, 2017, 04:42:45 pm »
Rubia,

I've personally been around people going through immigration since 1996.. (I went through it back then and there was no good information about the visas and traveling from the DR to USA back then so I started a support group).. I closed my support group just before this one opened... D-mo has been around all this for a long time too.   You can believe what you want, because you will never believe us... You will be back crying in less than a year for what happens.... OR you will never come back to tell us we were right... I hope neither scenario is true.. but I personally have seen it for over 20 years happen over, and over and over again..   Your case is not a "new" thing although you feel nobody knows your situation but you and him.  You really are in for a very miserable time.  If you love your daughter you will get her in a more stable situation closer to your family.. etc.. 

If you are the person I spoke to on facebook... You shared with me more details than you shared here.   If you are NOT that person... then there are 2 of you in the exact same situation.. Either way I wouldn't look back.


Best of luck to you.. Since I've seen this so many times, I know you won't leave him.. you aren't ready.. you are praying for things to get better.  They won't.. you will waste a lot of time wishing, and crying till you've had enough and your daughter will get attached to a man who puts other people before her and then you will rip her away from him..  It just gets tougher as the baby grows attached.. and he will never change.  The way he is.. he is..  I pray you will open your eyes and get out and start a new life..

I know you want us to be as nice as possible, and I promise you... I am.. I just cannot tell you what you want me to say.  You want me to say it's all okay, it's going to be fine, and this is normal.. except I've seen "this" many times over and what you are experiencing is not "normal" ... Its nothing about adjusting to the culture.. it's nothing about him being away from his family.. nothing about a huge change for him cause he's a new dad and doesn't know how to act.. its not that way at all... The fact is.. its only going to get worse.

Best of luck!   :luv:
<3 Jenny <3
6/9/2011 - Met Francisco while living in the DR became wonderful friends..
2/14/2013 - Married Francisco
9/5/2013 Deposited I-130 via DCF
10/2/2013 Received NOA2
10/28/2013 - Visa Approved
11/1/2013 - Visa Delivered
11/9/2013 - Arrived in NY
9/21/2016 - Greencard without conditions arrived!
Studying for Citizenship now.. :)

Offline Rubia17

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Re: Problems in America
« Reply #7 on: January 09, 2017, 08:36:09 am »
You obviously got me mistaken for someone else believe it or not neither me nor my husband have social media accounts. Me and him talked last night and we have a understanding about our finances. Both me and my husband love our daughter very much and it is a struggle being first time parents. I'm assuming Jennifer all your kids are grown up and have kids of their own so I'm pretty sure you font remember the struggles of being a new mom.
Mods how can I close my account??
I have no reason to be here anymore
I won't be back not hoy not manana not never
Adios

Online D-mo

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Re: Problems in America
« Reply #8 on: January 09, 2017, 10:28:22 pm »
You obviously got me mistaken for someone else believe it or not neither me nor my husband have social media accounts. Me and him talked last night and we have a understanding about our finances. Both me and my husband love our daughter very much and it is a struggle being first time parents. I'm assuming Jennifer all your kids are grown up and have kids of their own so I'm pretty sure you font remember the struggles of being a new mom.
Mods how can I close my account??
I have no reason to be here anymore
I won't be back not hoy not manana not never
Adios

Not sure why you're upset. We all hope for the best..... For you and every other member of this forum. But we have to plan for the worst.

Pretty much every single person on this forum can empathize with your situation from one point of view or another.

If you were looking for someone to console you and say...."oh it'll be fine, give it some time", you did come to the wrong place. We are on the outside of your situation looking in, but we're not there in your living room watching a play by play. We have only with the info that elect to share with us.

With the info you have given, this is what we see. You must understand that human nature is repetitive for the most part.

We always hope we are wrong in our thoughts, but we would be doing you wrong by singing kum-ba-ya with you and then saying a prayer for you in silence.

From the small amount of information that you've given, the only thing we could say is what  has been said. Some of it sounds harsh, but more times that not..it is truth........and not necessarily always directed toward the OP.

I do hope it works out fine for you!

D-mo
"You can't fix stupid"  Ron White

Offline Jenny429

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Re: Problems in America
« Reply #9 on: January 13, 2017, 10:19:12 am »
Rubia,

I realize the "My kids are grown" message was meant as a dig.. You are trying to hurt the wrong person.  I'm not out to hurt you.. no, I do have young kids.. and we are hoping for more.. so.. whatever..

Anyway... I wish you so much luck, love, and happiness..

<3 Jenny <3
6/9/2011 - Met Francisco while living in the DR became wonderful friends..
2/14/2013 - Married Francisco
9/5/2013 Deposited I-130 via DCF
10/2/2013 Received NOA2
10/28/2013 - Visa Approved
11/1/2013 - Visa Delivered
11/9/2013 - Arrived in NY
9/21/2016 - Greencard without conditions arrived!
Studying for Citizenship now.. :)

Offline Clarywaldo

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Re: Problems in America
« Reply #10 on: January 17, 2017, 12:45:30 pm »
 :slap: WOW!
09/5/2011- Met Waldo
12/12/2011- Started Dating
07/2/2012- 1st Trip
11/27/2012- 2nd Trip
1/3/2013- Got Married!!
3/20/2013- Came back to the USA after 4 mnths
4/10/2013- Sent I-130/I-129 for SO & 2 step Daughters
4/15/2013- NOA1 text, email received
10/15/2013-Contacted State Representative to get Professional Inquiry
10/21/2013-NOA 2 Email/Text(Gracias a Dios!)
10/25/2013-11/03/2013-3rd Trip
11/15/2013-NVC Received Case
11/19/2013-Received Case #'s [[NVC]]
11/19/2013-E-mail Choice of Agent(DS-261)
11/20/2013-Paid AOS $88
11/21/2013-Paid IV $230 for Hubby
11/25/2013-Sent AOS (I-864)Mailed Priority Mail
11/25/2013-DS-260 Online for Hubby
11/26/2013-Paid IV $230 for Step Daughters
11/28/2013-DS-260 Online for Step Daughters
12/02/2013-Sent DS-260 Supporting Documents Priority Mail
12/25/2013-Merry X-mas 2 me, NVC sent checklist
12/30/2013- NVC reviewed DS-260 Documents
1/08/2014- Sent NVC the CHECKLIST w/ missing documents
2/11/2014-NVC received all doc., waiting for Interview Date!!
2/28/2014- Got our CITA date 04/07/2014!!!!
3/17/2014- Hubby and 2 step-daughters went to medical.
4/02/2014- 4th trip
4/07/2014- ALL 3 APPROVED!
4/14/2014- Visas picked up at Domex in Santiago
4/17/2014- Port of Entry(Miami)
5/05/2014- Paid Green Card Fees $165
6/13/2014- Received hubby & Step-Daughters Green Cards.
----------------
01/11/16--I-751 Lifting Conditions $505+$85+$85+$85
08/01/16-Request for Evidence,sent info 08/10
08/29/16- Received Hubby & Step Daughters 10 yr Green Card :)

Offline Jenny429

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Re: Problems in America
« Reply #11 on: January 20, 2017, 07:21:19 am »
CLARY!!!!!! 

 :rotfl:      :beathorse:    :wave:
<3 Jenny <3
6/9/2011 - Met Francisco while living in the DR became wonderful friends..
2/14/2013 - Married Francisco
9/5/2013 Deposited I-130 via DCF
10/2/2013 Received NOA2
10/28/2013 - Visa Approved
11/1/2013 - Visa Delivered
11/9/2013 - Arrived in NY
9/21/2016 - Greencard without conditions arrived!
Studying for Citizenship now.. :)

Offline koukela

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Re: Problems in America
« Reply #12 on: January 31, 2017, 07:57:40 am »
 :champagne:

Hello everyone.
D-Mo and Jenny,
I read what both of you wrote and you both were correct and upfront with Rubia.
She will have to face the facts one day and even though she says she doesn't want to go on here again she'll be back. Just to seek help when her relationship blows up. It's sad but true. Most of these people change when they get here and make money.

Online D-mo

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Re: Problems in America
« Reply #13 on: January 31, 2017, 07:28:39 pm »
:champagne:

Hello everyone.
D-Mo and Jenny,
I read what both of you wrote and you both were correct and upfront with Rubia.
She will have to face the facts one day and even though she says she doesn't want to go on here again she'll be back. Just to seek help when her relationship blows up. It's sad but true. Most of these people change when they get here and make money.


Nice to hear from you Kouk!

D-mo
"You can't fix stupid"  Ron White

 

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