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Author Topic: How much of your SO obligation back home affect the marriage?  (Read 1942 times)

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Offline Elcaballero

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How much of your SO obligation back home affect the marriage?
« on: August 22, 2017, 08:33:21 am »
      I introduced myself yesterday and perhaps I might have extended myself a bit in my presentation, and might have been clear in my initial Question.  I would like to know how much problems or stress is created by your significant other having to send money back home every month to family members once they arrive to the U.S? I don't see it as an issue as long as the SO understands that the cost of living in America is much higher than in DR and more than likely it will require two incomes to live more or less comfortably.  I would love to hear how many of you have dealt with this issue, and what were your experiences trying to get your SO to understand this concept. Thanks.

Bring Your Dominican Family to the USA - Dominicans to the USA

How much of your SO obligation back home affect the marriage?
« on: August 22, 2017, 08:33:21 am »

Offline Clarywaldo

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Re: How much of your SO obligation back home affect the marriage?
« Reply #1 on: August 22, 2017, 12:05:34 pm »
i think out of the many times my hubby has sent money back, i've only been mad about it once. . . . and it's only because it was a high school friend who said she needed money to go see a Doctor and we ended up sending her like $100 to only see pictures of her out partying the night after. My husband learned from that and only sends to his family members now. He sends $100-$150 every 2-3 months to my in-laws and $50 to a nephew like once a year. We live in North Dakota so our rent is only like $550 a month and i take care of paying the house bills and my hubby buys the food/clothes/family vacations. I think some Dominican woman dont feel the need to work. They want to be taken care of. not all dominican woman of course because my sister in law has been working since 17 years old and now owns businesses and like 5 bancas. i always tell her i'm going to quit my job and go work for her in the DR lol so to answer your question. I have no problem or stress when my hubby sends money back home because myself, and his two daughters are taken care of first.
09/5/2011- Met Waldo
12/12/2011- Started Dating
07/2/2012- 1st Trip
11/27/2012- 2nd Trip
1/3/2013- Got Married!!
3/20/2013- Came back to the USA after 4 mnths
4/10/2013- Sent I-130/I-129 for SO & 2 step Daughters
4/15/2013- NOA1 text, email received
10/15/2013-Contacted State Representative to get Professional Inquiry
10/21/2013-NOA 2 Email/Text(Gracias a Dios!)
10/25/2013-11/03/2013-3rd Trip
11/15/2013-NVC Received Case
11/19/2013-Received Case #'s [[NVC]]
11/19/2013-E-mail Choice of Agent(DS-261)
11/20/2013-Paid AOS $88
11/21/2013-Paid IV $230 for Hubby
11/25/2013-Sent AOS (I-864)Mailed Priority Mail
11/25/2013-DS-260 Online for Hubby
11/26/2013-Paid IV $230 for Step Daughters
11/28/2013-DS-260 Online for Step Daughters
12/02/2013-Sent DS-260 Supporting Documents Priority Mail
12/25/2013-Merry X-mas 2 me, NVC sent checklist
12/30/2013- NVC reviewed DS-260 Documents
1/08/2014- Sent NVC the CHECKLIST w/ missing documents
2/11/2014-NVC received all doc., waiting for Interview Date!!
2/28/2014- Got our CITA date 04/07/2014!!!!
3/17/2014- Hubby and 2 step-daughters went to medical.
4/02/2014- 4th trip
4/07/2014- ALL 3 APPROVED!
4/14/2014- Visas picked up at Domex in Santiago
4/17/2014- Port of Entry(Miami)
5/05/2014- Paid Green Card Fees $165
6/13/2014- Received hubby & Step-Daughters Green Cards.
----------------
01/11/16--I-751 Lifting Conditions $505+$85+$85+$85
08/01/16-Request for Evidence,sent info 08/10
08/29/16- Received Hubby & Step Daughters 10 yr Green Card :)

Offline Elcaballero

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Re: How much of your SO obligation back home affect the marriage?
« Reply #2 on: August 22, 2017, 11:00:02 pm »
     Hi Clarywaldo, sounds like your hubby is a reasonable man.....I guess you never know how much your SO will decide to contribute while here in the U.S. Here on the East coast things are super expensive, and it takes just about 2 incomes to make it here.  I don't have a problem with sending money back home, because Lord knows if my mom needed help, I would help her in a heartbeat, but it is just those folks who tend to abuse generosity that I'm concerned about.  Many times the SO wants to help as many folks as they can, but simply do not realize they are being taken advantage of.  I guess since I have not lived with this person, for more than 2 months at a time, it just makes it harder to decide if this is worth pursuing.  I think I'm going to try getting an online job and see how things turn out. This might help turn things around.

Offline Clarywaldo

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Re: How much of your SO obligation back home affect the marriage?
« Reply #3 on: August 23, 2017, 07:52:27 am »
Yea, that's the best thing to do.. . follow your gut. . . live with her for a year and go from there. . . and it's true our SO do want to help everyone they can, but they gotta help us first.. . . I wish you nothing but luck, Love and Happiness!
09/5/2011- Met Waldo
12/12/2011- Started Dating
07/2/2012- 1st Trip
11/27/2012- 2nd Trip
1/3/2013- Got Married!!
3/20/2013- Came back to the USA after 4 mnths
4/10/2013- Sent I-130/I-129 for SO & 2 step Daughters
4/15/2013- NOA1 text, email received
10/15/2013-Contacted State Representative to get Professional Inquiry
10/21/2013-NOA 2 Email/Text(Gracias a Dios!)
10/25/2013-11/03/2013-3rd Trip
11/15/2013-NVC Received Case
11/19/2013-Received Case #'s [[NVC]]
11/19/2013-E-mail Choice of Agent(DS-261)
11/20/2013-Paid AOS $88
11/21/2013-Paid IV $230 for Hubby
11/25/2013-Sent AOS (I-864)Mailed Priority Mail
11/25/2013-DS-260 Online for Hubby
11/26/2013-Paid IV $230 for Step Daughters
11/28/2013-DS-260 Online for Step Daughters
12/02/2013-Sent DS-260 Supporting Documents Priority Mail
12/25/2013-Merry X-mas 2 me, NVC sent checklist
12/30/2013- NVC reviewed DS-260 Documents
1/08/2014- Sent NVC the CHECKLIST w/ missing documents
2/11/2014-NVC received all doc., waiting for Interview Date!!
2/28/2014- Got our CITA date 04/07/2014!!!!
3/17/2014- Hubby and 2 step-daughters went to medical.
4/02/2014- 4th trip
4/07/2014- ALL 3 APPROVED!
4/14/2014- Visas picked up at Domex in Santiago
4/17/2014- Port of Entry(Miami)
5/05/2014- Paid Green Card Fees $165
6/13/2014- Received hubby & Step-Daughters Green Cards.
----------------
01/11/16--I-751 Lifting Conditions $505+$85+$85+$85
08/01/16-Request for Evidence,sent info 08/10
08/29/16- Received Hubby & Step Daughters 10 yr Green Card :)

Offline Twincactus

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Re: How much of your SO obligation back home affect the marriage?
« Reply #4 on: August 24, 2017, 08:58:02 am »
      I introduced myself yesterday and perhaps I might have extended myself a bit in my presentation, and might have been clear in my initial Question.  I would like to know how much problems or stress is created by your significant other having to send money back home every month to family members once they arrive to the U.S? I don't see it as an issue as long as the SO understands that the cost of living in America is much higher than in DR and more than likely it will require two incomes to live more or less comfortably.  I would love to hear how many of you have dealt with this issue, and what were your experiences trying to get your SO to understand this concept. Thanks.
Simple. I just don't allow it. She was told when we started dating that there would be none of that unless it was an emergency and definitely no monthly payments. Think about it. What were their families doing before they married you? Why do they need to be paid to sit around and drink Presidente and be lazy?
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Offline D-mo

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Re: How much of your SO obligation back home affect the marriage?
« Reply #5 on: August 25, 2017, 06:07:41 pm »
My wife doesn't send money, never has. The one thing she did do for a while was send some boxes of stuff down to her mom to sell, but no cash. She will send some money to her younger brothers for holidays and birthdays and stuff, but that is about it. When it comes to money, our family comes first with her. Plus, she fended for herself since a young age. She had a job and her own place to live before she even turned 18.

D-mo
     
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Offline marcfranc

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Re: How much of your SO obligation back home affect the marriage?
« Reply #6 on: August 29, 2017, 06:57:24 am »
I also live on the East Coast. So far there hasn't been too many issues with the sending money back home thing. Sure we do send money sometimes and we send boxes too. But nothing that gets out of hand. And not all the time. Just make sure that all is discussed BEFORE so that there are no misunderstandings.

As for your other post, forget about her being Dominican. It just doesn't sound like a good relationship in general. As you said, this isn't your first time at the rodeo. Follow your head as well as your heart and I hope that all works out for the best.

 :disco:

Offline Elcaballero

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Re: How much of your SO obligation back home affect the marriage?
« Reply #7 on: August 30, 2017, 06:47:08 pm »
     Twincactus, D-Mo, and MarcFranc....All good advice from all three of you.  In my case, my girlfriend has a fairly good job in D.R. With the airport and does send something to her parents monthly to help out since their only means of support is a small colmado that mainly provides enough for food and a few other household expenses.  I believe her brothers do help out, but I doubt if she was to move here, the financial support will stop.

     Twincactus I agree with what you said about sending money back home for people who sit around and drink Presidente, but I'm pretty surprised that your current wife is cool with that, were the previous wives cool with that as well? I don't know too many Dominicans who do not wish to send money home, unless their families are well off or simply don't have a good relationship with members back home.  It would seem natural to me that if you are now doing well, and your folks back home are not doing so well, then naturally you would want to help....at least that is the impression I get. 

      I have met her family numerous times, and her dad works 7 days a week albeit recovering from prostate cancer, so it would only be natural that if she could make their lives easier by sending them some cash it is understandable.  I told her that for the most part parents in the U.S. Try to set up some sort of retirement plan, SS, Savings, etc, in order to not have to rely on their kids so heavily, but from what I can see from the lack of opportunity and planning for such things in Dominican society, most of the times, the kids end up supporting the parents until their final day.

     Financial discussion is a must, but what is to say when that person gets here, they decide to not honor what was agreed to? You can't force anyone to do something agains their will, and once they have that green card, there is even less incentive to comply.  It all sounds like a roll of the dice, folks will tell you whatever you want to hear to get to the U.S. You will not know the truth until after the music stops. Thanks again guys for the wisdom.

Offline marcfranc

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Re: How much of your SO obligation back home affect the marriage?
« Reply #8 on: August 31, 2017, 06:51:28 am »
I
   Financial discussion is a must, but what is to say when that person gets here, they decide to not honor what was agreed to? You can't force anyone to do something agains their will, and once they have that green card, there is even less incentive to comply.  It all sounds like a roll of the dice, folks will tell you whatever you want to hear to get to the U.S. You will not know the truth until after the music stops. Thanks again guys for the wisdom.

This is true of ANY relationship with ANY person. It doesn't only apply to a Dominican or foreign spouse. Trust me on this one. I've been done the road before. At least if you discuss things BEFOREHAND and have it understood what your expectations are and what is and is not acceptable on both sides then there are less chances for miscommunications and false expectations.

 :disco:


Offline Twincactus

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Re: How much of your SO obligation back home affect the marriage?
« Reply #9 on: August 31, 2017, 03:15:39 pm »
I
   Financial discussion is a must, but what is to say when that person gets here, they decide to not honor what was agreed to? You can't force anyone to do something agains their will, and once they have that green card, there is even less incentive to comply.  It all sounds like a roll of the dice, folks will tell you whatever you want to hear to get to the U.S. You will not know the truth until after the music stops. Thanks again guys for the wisdom.

This is true of ANY relationship with ANY person. It doesn't only apply to a Dominican or foreign spouse. Trust me on this one. I've been done the road before. At least if you discuss things BEFOREHAND and have it understood what your expectations are and what is and is not acceptable on both sides then there are less chances for miscommunications and false expectations.

 :disco:


Could not agree more, and THIS is why we had that discussion before ever applying for any visa. If it's understood from the beginning you can hold your ground when they change their minds and remind them of what was agreed upon.

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Offline mexicana

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Re: How much of your SO obligation back home affect the marriage?
« Reply #10 on: January 27, 2018, 11:14:52 pm »
Yall are crazy as fuk. You say this because you're gringos and in the USA, the white folk don't give a damn about their parents. They throw them in a home and are so distant from their families.

I've got love for you Dmo and Marc, but you both sound like the typical gringo.

I'm latina and I will ALWAYS help my mom out. She gave me life and everything I do in my life is to take care of her and always make sure she has what she needs. She never asks me for a penny. I give out of my heart. She's a priority also to my Dominican husband, and his mom is also a priority in my life. We both have the same values and our mothers will always be one of our top priorities. This is why so many of these relationships don't work because there are differences of cultures. Nobody better ever get in the way of telling me what I can and cannot do for my mom, and I would never get in the way of what my husband wants to do to help his mom out. We both have one rule and it is that we only help if and when we can, as long as it is not getting in the way of our personal responsibilities, house, expenses, etc.

If people tell you that their Dominican spouses never care to help their parents out, either they're a) lying or b) have their priorities fuk'd up and have forgotten that in latino culture, family is the center, ESPECIALLY our parents.  :angryfire:

Offline mexicana

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Re: How much of your SO obligation back home affect the marriage?
« Reply #11 on: January 27, 2018, 11:18:24 pm »
      I introduced myself yesterday and perhaps I might have extended myself a bit in my presentation, and might have been clear in my initial Question.  I would like to know how much problems or stress is created by your significant other having to send money back home every month to family members once they arrive to the U.S? I don't see it as an issue as long as the SO understands that the cost of living in America is much higher than in DR and more than likely it will require two incomes to live more or less comfortably.  I would love to hear how many of you have dealt with this issue, and what were your experiences trying to get your SO to understand this concept. Thanks.
Simple. I just don't allow it. She was told when we started dating that there would be none of that unless it was an emergency and definitely no monthly payments. Think about it. What were their families doing before they married you? Why do they need to be paid to sit around and drink Presidente and be lazy?

 :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: lmao "doesn't allow it". No lo puedo creer que la prieta en esa foto aguanta que alguien diga lo que ella puede y no puede hacer para su madre.  :rotfl:

Offline marcfranc

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Re: How much of your SO obligation back home affect the marriage?
« Reply #12 on: January 29, 2018, 08:05:45 am »

If people tell you that their Dominican spouses never care to help their parents out, either they're a) lying or b) have their priorities fuk'd up and have forgotten that in latino culture, family is the center, ESPECIALLY our parents.  :angryfire:

My wife is one of eleven siblings. Some live in different countries (Chile & Spain for example). No one except my wife gives their mother ONE peso. They all have "problems". So much for their "latino culture". By the way, they don't have any problems sponging off of their mother though.

 :beathorse:

Offline D-mo

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Re: How much of your SO obligation back home affect the marriage?
« Reply #13 on: January 29, 2018, 07:19:07 pm »
Yall are crazy as fuk. You say this because you're gringos and in the USA, the white folk don't give a damn about their parents. They throw them in a home and are so distant from their families.

I've got love for you Dmo and Marc, but you both sound like the typical gringo.

I'm latina and I will ALWAYS help my mom out. She gave me life and everything I do in my life is to take care of her and always make sure she has what she needs. She never asks me for a penny. I give out of my heart. She's a priority also to my Dominican husband, and his mom is also a priority in my life. We both have the same values and our mothers will always be one of our top priorities. This is why so many of these relationships don't work because there are differences of cultures. Nobody better ever get in the way of telling me what I can and cannot do for my mom, and I would never get in the way of what my husband wants to do to help his mom out. We both have one rule and it is that we only help if and when we can, as long as it is not getting in the way of our personal responsibilities, house, expenses, etc.

If people tell you that their Dominican spouses never care to help their parents out, either they're a) lying or b) have their priorities fuk'd up and have forgotten that in latino culture, family is the center, ESPECIALLY our parents.  :angryfire:

No, I'm far from the "typical gringo" as you say Mexi! Don't forget, I lived in D.R. for quite some time! I saw the money delivery guys come and go to neighbor houses on a daily basis............I also saw what and where that money went the same evening of said deliveries. I never said we wouldn't help out if family needed it. We have, and would again! But they don't need our help.

D-mo
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Offline mexicana

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Re: How much of your SO obligation back home affect the marriage?
« Reply #14 on: January 31, 2018, 12:03:37 am »
Marc & Dmo gonna make me wanna smite yo azz now that I'm back lol. I know not each case is the same. Not each person treats their parents that way, and not all people are crooked with the money that is sent. Either way, family and parents are a big thing in latino culture and any latino will tell you that. Again, not the case for all but for most. Sad that some people abuse it or steal money intended for the parents or elders. I've seen people jack money that was meant for the parents and I don't get it. If you can do that to your own parent then I just don't trust you.

Dmo, I think you're legit. It seems like if there was a need or if the mom needed something, you guys would be there for her. I just don't like the americanos who say that they won't plain and simple and they won't allow their SO to help if need be. If anyone ever treated me like that when I want to help my mom out, I'd say peace out b!tches.
« Last Edit: January 31, 2018, 12:05:17 am by mexicana »

 

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