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Author Topic: Advice on marrying a foreigner  (Read 319 times)

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Offline Medvetz63

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Advice on marrying a foreigner
« on: August 21, 2017, 11:00:54 am »
This thread is fairly old but the advice I'm about to give is timeless:


DO NOT bring your Dominican fiance/spouse to the U.S. to live. If you must bring them to the United States do it only on a B-1 or B-2 tourist visa so they can visit the U.S., but not residency (which to maintain requires them to live in the U.S. for most of the year).

If you can't speak Spanish fluently and are not willing to move to the Dominican Republic to live full time,  then you are taking a HUGE risk by entering into a relationship with a  foreigner. If you do speak Spanish fluently and are willing to make a move to the DR then you'll likely have not only a happy marriage, but one way more enjoyable than you'd have with an American spouse.

I have found that there are three (3) types of Dominican women (and this applies to foreign women in general):

1) Those with ulterior motives who from the start want to use you as a ticket out of their country. They are "great" actresses but if you speak Spanish and use common sense you will clearly see the red flags that they constantly raise.

2) Those who are truly good people who will make a great wife BUT will change when they come to the U.S. and are tainted by the feminist, anti-male nonsense that abounds there. If you speak Spanish and live with them full time in the DR you will have a happy marriage.

3) Those that are truly good people and so much so that they won't change even if you bring them to the U.S. or anywhere else. These women tend to be much older (40s on up) and are so rare that I haven't met one yet, but I am sure that out of the DR's population of ten million people there has to be at least twenty or thirty women that fill this description.  Also, you have NO WAY of knowing if she falls into category two or three until you bring her into the U.S. and then it's too late if things go sour.


This is my background:

I have a Bachellor's Degree in Spanish from SUNY New Paltz, NY graduating in 1986. I have worked as a translator and interpreter in the United States and abroad. In the 1990s and early 2000s I lived in Mexico and Honduras and travelled all over Central and South America.

In April 2007 I visited the DR for the first time and it was love at first sight. Of all the numerous countries I have visited in Latin America (all but Chile and Argentina) the DR is the best in my opinion. I am in the process of getting Dominican citizenship (I have had residency since 2009) and I live full time in Santiago.

You can have a really great relationship and marriage if you speak Spanish and live full time in the DR (or other foreign country).
 But unfortunately you take a big risk if you try to bring them to the United States, Canada, Western Europe, etc.


Bring Your Dominican Family to the USA - Dominicans to the USA

Advice on marrying a foreigner
« on: August 21, 2017, 11:00:54 am »

Offline Elcaballero

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Re: Advice on marrying a foreigner
« Reply #1 on: August 30, 2017, 06:55:05 pm »
Great Post...I will keep this advice close to  :luv: I agree with you 100% The points you highlight are the biggest fears most people have about bringing that SO to the U.S. but I would think that sooner or later they would love to live in the U.S.....No? Thanks for sharing.

Offline marcfranc

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Re: Advice on marrying a foreigner
« Reply #2 on: August 31, 2017, 07:00:29 am »
There is some wisdom here, but it also depends on your own situation. One size does NOT fit all. Everyone is an individual with their own experiences, strengths, weaknesses, and abilities. What is right for one is not right for all. And sometimes, it's just dumb luck.

 :wav:

Offline D-mo

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Re: Advice on marrying a foreigner
« Reply #3 on: September 02, 2017, 08:06:42 am »
This thread is fairly old but the advice I'm about to give is timeless:







This thread is fairly old but the advice I'm about to give is timeless:


DO NOT bring your Dominican fiance/spouse to the U.S. to live. If you must bring them to the United States do it only on a B-1 or B-2 tourist visa so they can visit the U.S., but not residency (which to maintain requires them to live in the U.S. for most of the year).

If you can't speak Spanish fluently and are not willing to move to the Dominican Republic to live full time,  then you are taking a HUGE risk by entering into a relationship with a  foreigner. If you do speak Spanish fluently and are willing to make a move to the DR then you'll likely have not only a happy marriage, but one way more enjoyable than you'd have with an American spouse.

This is not an easy feat for most, and not necessarily the greatest idea. I don't speak "fluent" Spanish, but I can hold my own. Language is not where the problems come in.  For you in your personal experience, (if your avatar pic is you), then you could pass as a native to the country. This is not the case for the majority. While D.R. is mostly a wonderful place and the general population are indeed awesome and wonderful people, those who are obviously foreign to Dominican Republic become targets for crime to the ones who aren't so wonderful. Often nothing drastic, but crime non-the-less. And, the longer one stays, the worse things get. Especially in the larger cities, like Santiago, (where I lived as well), and REALLY not a good idea in Santo Domingo. Take me for instance, my avatar pic is my wife, I am a white american, obviously NOT a native to the country. To visit, is awesome! To live is a whole other animal. I was there almost 3 years and also have residence.

I have found that there are three (3) types of Dominican women (and this applies to foreign women in general):

1) Those with ulterior motives who from the start want to use you as a ticket out of their country. They are "great" actresses but if you speak Spanish and use common sense you will clearly see the red flags that they constantly raise.

These are "sankies" as the locals call them, and it is not limited to women, there are far more men of this nature than women.
 Agreed 100%, they are probably the best actresses in the world!


2) Those who are truly good people who will make a great wife BUT will change when they come to the U.S. and are tainted by the feminist, anti-male nonsense that abounds there. If you speak Spanish and live with them full time in the DR you will have a happy marriage.

A person adapting to their surroundings is pretty normal! Choosing to give way to negativity the likes of feminists would be a personality trait that already exists in a person to begin with and would likely be plainly obvious by their personal choices and behavior BEFORE ever making a move. For example, if a person is judgmental and unforgiving, that is probably not going to ever change or could even become exacerbated by a change in surroundings.

3) Those that are truly good people and so much so that they won't change even if you bring them to the U.S. or anywhere else. These women tend to be much older (40s on up) and are so rare that I haven't met one yet, but I am sure that out of the DR's population of ten million people there has to be at least twenty or thirty women that fill this description.  Also, you have NO WAY of knowing if she falls into category two or three until you bring her into the U.S. and then it's too late if things go sour.

This also is normal..... for ANYONE in ANY country! The older a person gets, the more they become set in their ways. This isn't a bad thing and I have MANY friends who are like this. The younger a person is, the more easily they are effected by their surroundings.
 For example, my wife! She has the worlds biggest heart! She is also younger than I am. Nothing gets by her, but again, what she chooses to adapt to her own personality is her business. She is perfectly capable of knowing what is good or bad for her, for her family and her marriage. The same for me being in D.R., I picked up and adapted the traits that worked well for me in my own life while I lived in D.R. We moved back here to the U.S. in 2010, I still hold those Dominican traits and values as my own to this day.She still holds the traits she was brought up seeing and learning as well. AND, she has the added benefit of adding or declining the traits (and mores) that surround her now. The point here is that no matter who you are, or where you are from or where you go, a person's personality and ability to know what is right for THEM determines what is adapted and what is discarded. 



This is my background:

I have a Bachellor's Degree in Spanish from SUNY New Paltz, NY graduating in 1986. I have worked as a translator and interpreter in the United States and abroad. In the 1990s and early 2000s I lived in Mexico and Honduras and travelled all over Central and South America.

In April 2007 I visited the DR for the first time and it was love at first sight. Of all the numerous countries I have visited in Latin America (all but Chile and Argentina) the DR is the best in my opinion. I am in the process of getting Dominican citizenship (I have had residency since 2009) and I live full time in Santiago.

You can have a really great relationship and marriage if you speak Spanish and live full time in the DR (or other foreign country).
 But unfortunately you take a big risk if you try to bring them to the United States, Canada, Western Europe, etc.

I responded to some of your views in red above. I enjoyed reading your views on this! And I do hope you share more. It is always interesting to me to see how people view and react.

My background......... I have a degree in social and cultural studies.



D-mo
"You can't fix stupid"  Ron White

Offline Elcaballero

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Re: Advice on marrying a foreigner
« Reply #4 on: September 04, 2017, 12:12:17 am »
Hey D-Mo would love to hear your story as a foreigner living in DR for 3 years before deciding lo leave and return to the states with your fiancé, is it posted anywhere on this forum? I always feel we can learn from those who walked the miles we have yet to walk.  I have thought about living in DR, but during my long stays, I have seen and experienced some things about the country that simply drive me nuts! But at least It would be better than bringing someone here and finding out it is not going to work.  The stresses of someone new adjusting to life in America can be just a strain, that it often kills a marriage before it starts.

Offline D-mo

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Re: Advice on marrying a foreigner
« Reply #5 on: September 04, 2017, 07:22:25 am »
Hey D-Mo would love to hear your story as a foreigner living in DR for 3 years before deciding lo leave and return to the states with your fiancé, is it posted anywhere on this forum? I always feel we can learn from those who walked the miles we have yet to walk.  I have thought about living in DR, but during my long stays, I have seen and experienced some things about the country that simply drive me nuts! But at least It would be better than bringing someone here and finding out it is not going to work.  The stresses of someone new adjusting to life in America can be just a strain, that it often kills a marriage before it starts.

I'm sure there are a few posts laying around from back then, we moved back to the States in 2010. You can look at anyone's profile on here and view their post history. My wife and I were already married when we filed for visa directly at the Embassy. The DCF processing back then took a whole month to complete. We also have quite a few members who resided in D.R. that you can look at.
  What you have to understand about you going there or them coming here is; When making a life change like this, you're BOTH on uncertain grounds. It is VERY hard for both parties no matter which way you decide to migrate. When I went to D.R., I had to rely on my wife for quite a lot! Eventually, it started getting a little dangerous for me being there. Because I did in fact become a target for crime! Most of the people around us were great people, I am grateful for the experience of being able to live in my wife's country for an extended time and to have the friends that I met during my time there. But in the end, those with mal intent do eventually see you and the mouse chase begins.

But, above all, the biggest reason that I am grateful for my experience is what I didn't realize until quite some time after we came back here. Me being there did help me to be able to connect with my wife and be able to empathize with her in what she was going through coming here to the U.S. I understood her worries, her depressions, her wacky decisions. Because I went through it all myself! I understood it all, and above everything else, I knew I had to let her do her own thing and learn, no matter how bad I wanted to try to direct her and tell her, I knew I couldn't! I learned to support her decisions no matter what, and if something didn't go right, to just be the one she confide in about it. Most people are this way in general, but when it comes to someone you share your heart with, it's kind of hard to just let them do things you know aren't going to work out as intended, but it's the only way! Most people do not understand how hard it is to immigrate and leave everything they know for something different. Sure, from D.R. to here, the creature comforts are usually an awesome and welcome change unless you move to New York. In that case, it's like moving from Santiago to Santo Domingo, Not much change in that aspect, except the size of the buildings. Moving from D.R. to NY is not a huge change because when you do that, you're likely going to immigrate right back into Hispanic surroundings.

I could probably go on and on here, hell I could probably write a book, but I got no time for that right now! lol

D-mo
"You can't fix stupid"  Ron White

Offline marcfranc

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Re: Advice on marrying a foreigner
« Reply #6 on: September 05, 2017, 06:18:26 am »
D-Mo,

My wife (from Santiago) would probably disagree with you on the New York (Actually New Jersey) thing.....


 :disco:

Offline marcfranc

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Re: Advice on marrying a foreigner
« Reply #7 on: September 05, 2017, 06:20:02 am »
Hey D-Mo would love to hear your story as a foreigner living in DR for 3 years before deciding lo leave and return to the states with your fiancé, is it posted anywhere on this forum? I always feel we can learn from those who walked the miles we have yet to walk.  I have thought about living in DR, but during my long stays, I have seen and experienced some things about the country that simply drive me nuts! But at least It would be better than bringing someone here and finding out it is not going to work.  The stresses of someone new adjusting to life in America can be just a strain, that it often kills a marriage before it starts.

I recommend reading this book:

What about your saucepans?

By Lindsay Feliz

 :toast:

 

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