Wife had me arrested

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[casopormimorena]

Wow this is terrible news Van Damm. I'm not going to judge you, but you sound like you think you are the victim in all this. I would suggest voluntarily enrolling in the Domestic Violence classes mandated to abusers. Go with an open mind and you might look at your wife (and yourself) alot differently.

[Van Damn]

I think VD is bored or maybe he's writing a book or a script to a movie.

COME on VD tell us the real story.

but anywayzzz  7 o 8 cops with guns drawen?  they probably thought you were hurting her
and were holding her hostage......'cause who the heck doesn't open the door to the cops, its suspicious as hell if you don't!!!!    , if you've done nothing wrong why not open the door? ? ?

I got news for you Mar, you don't know shit!

If I had not opened the door to the cops when my ex had me arrested, I would have been fine. They could not have taken me for the whole weekend as Van Damn was smart and avoided. This is a trick all these bitches (I don't censor VD) do to make you spend a weekend in jail whether you did anything or not because they KNOW you can't be arraigned until the judge comes in.  The court system is bent way against men in DV cases and always has been. As a man, this is nothing to mess with because they WILL fuck you up whether you did something or not. I was acquitted in court, but I spent three days in jail and $2,200 to prove I did nothing. How is THAT justice? I proved she fabricated the whole thing and what did she get? Nada. Nothing. I will NEVER open the door for cops again, and I certainly won't let them know I am there in any way. His wife should have kept quiet.

-Tim

Yeah that is the most miserable experience in the world to have your rights violated like that.  We stayed quiet for about an hour and they still kept knocking!!!  Then the super gave them the keys to my apt..

I called the rental office two days ago and asked for an explanation of what happened and they simply said that they would call me back.

So if I don't hear anything by Tuesday then, I will send a certified letter asking for an explanation and seek to break the lease and move somewhere else.

I am also contemplating filing a complaint against the police dept.  Then only thing stopping me is that the arresting officer personally took my wife to to see the DA to drop the charges.

[Van Damn]

Wow this is terrible news Van Damm. I'm not going to judge you, but you sound like you think you are the victim in all this. I would suggest voluntarily enrolling in the Domestic Violence classes mandated to abusers. Go with an open mind and you might look at your wife (and yourself) alot differently.

I'm not saying I didn't have any wrongdoing, but I don't think that my wife should have turned me in to the enemy and then still expect to continue living off of me.

The Super giving the Police the keys to my apt is equally appalling.

[Van Damn]

...he gives man all over the world a bad name. Tirso

Tell it like it is, Tirso! Tell it!

Why are you talking smack on the shout box?  I thought that you would be a bit more receptive being that you were taking care of your woman and her boy toy.

Didn't he even have ya drawls on?

Now stop attacking..and help a brother out...I posted this stuff to share with yall.

The difference here btw you and Raphael is that once something popped off he ended it right then and there and scotched out with no drama etc....
You decided to let your wife come back after she exibited behavior to make you question her... And now dealing with more drama as a result

There is a BIG difference

So what do you suggest that I do? 

[Berzin]

I'm not saying I didn't have any wrongdoing, but I don't think that my wife should have turned me in to the enemy and then still expect to continue living off of me.

The Super giving the Police the keys to my apt is equally appalling.

Follow the logic here-the police are not the enemy. You are in a toxic, abusive relationship and it is your lack of judgment that has you in this mess.

*The quotes in bold are from a previous post by Frank The Tank-

If your wife was injured in anyway during the altercation and a Domestic Incident Report was filed, it is a must arrest situation. The only way your wife could drop the charges would be through the District Attorney's office after you have been arrested.

Issue #1-Your wife can't just go back to the police station and drop any charges against you. It's a process. You should have done your homework on this one, and at the very least not have been with her until you were sure she had taken the proper steps to clear the situation up.


If your neighbors called or your wife called saying there was a physical altercation in progress and the police came, it would be considered an emergency exception to the search warrant rules to enter the apt. Also if you read your rental contract, in the fine print somewhere, it will say building mgt. has the right to enter your apartment.

Issue #2-Given these circumstances, the police have every right to enter the apartment. Do you have any idea how many domestic abuse complaints get filed in the Bronx? Are you aware of the high percentage of women who wind up getting hurt or worse AFTER they've filed a domestic violence complaint against their lover/spouse and the police get blamed for not doing enough? This is why the acted as they did, and they did so lawfully.

The police have taken an enormous amount of crap over the years for supposedly not protecting women who've been hurt or worse and are taken to the hospital with the original court order of protection in their pockets. This is why the laws are so strict in this particular circumstance. Don't blame the cops for this. They were just doing their jobs.


No miranda is necessary if there is no interrogation following the arrest. If all the police are asking you after arrest is pedigree information, i.e. name address and date birth.

Issue #3-If you are not aware of when Miranda Rights are supposed to be read to someone under arrest, you need to bone up on your criminal law. As for the super opening the door, you need to look at it from his perspective-what do you think would have happened to him if he refused and you wound up seriously injuring your wife? What kind of trouble do you think HE would be in for not opening the door when requested to do so?


Finally did she get an order of protection against you from the court? If you are to stay away from your wife and you are still living together you are in violation of that order, another must arrest situation.

You guys can be at a picnic smooching in the park and if she has an order of protection against you, you can go down.

Enough sermonizing. Here is what you must do-

Step #1-Go to DR1 and send Fabio Guzman a pm. He is a well-respected lawyer and is the moderator for DR1's Legal section. He will send you in the right direction-he can recommend a lawyer and will give you information on what you need-the costs, the documents you must provide, what the process entails, etc.

Step #2-Postpone your trip if humanly possible. In fact, IT IS humanly possible, so do it. No one works during this time, so getting a divorce will be impossible. Go after Semana Santa when everyone is back to work. Get in touch with a reputable lawyer and get this divorce/annulment ASAP. If you got married in the DR, get divorced there and leave it all behind you.

 

Get on it RIGHT NOW. Stop wasting time with this drama and get to resolving it.

[Berzin]

Double post. Mods please delete.

[tgood1]

Berzin and Frank both are on the spot but I just want to add that that if the Police came back looking for you later, that probably meant there was a warrant for your arrest, in which case the Police did not need a search warrant, they had an arrest warrant. They can enter any premise where they have probable cause for you to be  and look for you.  In this day in age, you are lucky they didn't call the SWAT team to break down the door after you refused to answer it.

You are either a liar or an abuser, but you are certainly not the victim  here. This is my only comment here, because I honestly think you are just in it for the attention, or at least I hope so.

[PrincessGissell]

one OR BOTH parties MUST be detained....

I have to agree.  I had a friend who was beaten up by her boyfriend.  She filed a report.  He was arrested.  When he posted bail, they reconciled. ((It took her about a year to dump his ass again!))  She "Canceled" the report.  She was later arrested for filing a false report.  Court and all for the both of them.  And yes, the best thing that you can do is take a vacay and leave her there passport-less, and don't leave without filing for a divorce!

[PrincessGissell]

getting a Divorce in DR without having to go there.

I got a divorce there and nor I or my ex husband ever showed.  It is possible.

[PrincessGissell]

How can i get this off my record?  Because they paper that they gave her says something like:  although the plaintiff was stomped, beaten, kicked, and punched multiple times.  We are not able to continue because we do not have cooperation of the plaintiff....thus charges will be dropped.

No offense, but if that is what you did, I don't think that you deserve to have that taken off your record buen abusador.  Get therapy and work out your anger issues, before you accidentally kill someone because you can't control yourself.

[angelica]

How can i get this off my record?  Because they paper that they gave her says something like:  although the plaintiff was stomped, beaten, kicked, and punched multiple times.  We are not able to continue because we do not have cooperation of the plaintiff....thus charges will be dropped.

No offense, but if that is what you did, I don't think that you deserve to have that taken off your record buen abusador.  Get therapy and work out your anger issues, before you accidentally kill someone because you can't control yourself.

We need to correct this post. I don't see the posting, and it has also flipped the quotes of the poster, It reads as if Frank is asking and VD answering, when I went back to check I don't see the quote .... WEIRD

[PrincessGissell]

How can i get this off my record?  Because they paper that they gave her says something like:  although the plaintiff was stomped, beaten, kicked, and punched multiple times.  We are not able to continue because we do not have cooperation of the plaintiff....thus charges will be dropped.

Sorry that was def my fault,  I meant to say was

No offense, but if that is what you did, I don't think that you deserve to have that taken off your record buen abusador.  Get therapy and work out your anger issues, before you accidentally kill someone because you can't control yourself.

I agree that there are people that know exactly what buttons to press to make you explode.  But I forgot who said it in this thread, you are supposed to be mature and man enough ((or woman enough if that is the case)) to know when you need to walk away!  That is a major component in being an adult!! 

[Berzin]

Another point for Van Damn to consider-this is tough love, so take it the way it's intended.

You seem to have married someone who is into the ghetto lifestyle. The domestic abuse, the bullshitting, the family begging for money-all the signs point to the fact that you married into trash.

And when these people get here, guess what? They will revert to their ghetto tendencies because once they step off the plane they no longer have to keep the ruse up.

Let this be a lesson to all love-struck fools. Just because someone is poor doesn't mean they are bad people, but my guess is if any of you were presented with the same type of Dominican here in the states you wouldn't give them a second glance.

But that's a typical tendency, to regard a poor person with pity if they are from a developing nation because they are seen as victims of circumstance, whereas the poor residing in the states are regarded as losers.

I wonder what type of choices some of you would make if the whole "falling in love" part was the last on your list of priorities when choosing a mate from the DR. 

[Raphael]

I wonder what type of choices some of you would make if the whole "falling in love" part was the last on your list of priorities when choosing a mate from the DR. 

Berzin,
You take a look at the number of women in DR, and one has to admit that there are only a handful out of many that do not want the "ghetto life", and want to clear away from that cycle of deprivation. Was "falling in love" my first priority when I met my ex-wife, of course not! I did not go into the relationship thinking with my penis. I opened my eyes when I witnessed their living conditions, and this prompted me to take a step back, ponder what I was stepping into, and plan accordingly. This was not about me helping a financially stricken family--oh no, but to assist someone, and give them an opportunity that many lacked. However, as much as I wanted to help my ex-wife, the chances of her staying away from "money-hungry" family members, envious friends were impossible. My ex-wife was easily influenced by outsiders--sad, but true--and she did not get far. Why? Simple--I was not thinking with my penis, and I had little tolerance for stupidity, and selfishness. So...was "falling-in-love" a priority on my list--absolutely not!

[Berzin]

I wonder what type of choices some of you would make if the whole "falling in love" part was the last on your list of priorities when choosing a mate from the DR. 

Berzin,
You take a look at the number of women in DR, and one has to admit that there are only a handful out of many that do not want the "ghetto life", and want to clear away from that cycle of deprivation. Was "falling in love" my first priority when I met my ex-wife, of course not! I did not go into the relationship thinking with my penis. I opened my eyes when I witnessed their living conditions, and this prompted me to take a step back, ponder what I was stepping into, and plan accordingly. This was not about me helping a financially stricken family--oh no, but to assist someone, and give them an opportunity that many lacked. However, as much as I wanted to help my ex-wife, the chances of her staying away from "money-hungry" family members, envious friends were impossible. My ex-wife was easily influenced by outsiders--sad, but true--and she did not get far. Why? Simple--I was not thinking with my penis, and I had little tolerance for stupidity, and selfishness. So...was "falling-in-love" a priority on my list--absolutely not!

Falling in love should be a priority, I never said it shouldn't. It just shouldn't be first and only priority. What I'm saying is people get blinded and either don't look at the situation clearly or refuse to see what's around them. As for Dominican women wanting the ghetto life, those types are the ones to be avoided.

There is a clear and distinct difference between dating a Dominican and dating a poor Dominican. If you are hungry and desire food, the last place to look is in the garbage can for something to eat. Also, an American and his Dominican spouse cannot passively go along with the insane and relentless requests from Dominican family members when the duty of the couple is to build a life together HERE in the states.

Regardless of what the Dominican leaves behind, it should be clearly stated that their #1 focus is living and adjusting to a new life in a new country, regardless of who is starving and dying back home.

I know quite a few Americans who marry Dominicans and all their spouses think about is "Santo Domino, Santo Domingo, Santo Domingo". Every time the phone rings and it's the family, it's one disaster after another. And when the couple visits the DR, it's all about what they brought for them. How healthy is that for a relationship to be under such an unfair amount of stress?

I happen to believe quite a few get caught up in this trap, adding to the stress of making a relationship work. I tend to think that meeting some middle-class Dominicans would shape a person's outlook much differently on the culture and would put the idea in some people's heads that it's OK to be choosy and it's OK to demand more for themselves and more of their spouse.

At the end of the day standards have to count for something. It can't just be a one-way street, where the American does all the giving and the bending over backwards while the Dominican dictates everything that transpires. But that's exactly what happens when the Dominican has it in their head that as soon as they get here it's to help their family. If that's the case they can leave the foreigner out of the equation and save up to hop on a yola.

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