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Author Topic: I have a heavy heart, how much can one person take before it breaks them.  (Read 9611 times)

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Offline MarieC

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I guess I would actually consider money.  The previous poster said the extended family usually helps out in cases of emergency.  Depending on how serious the relationship was, I would consider myself part of the family and send a small contribution.  In similar circumstances, I would do the same for a friend, family member or co-worker here.  I would not think of myself as a benefactor and take on a large chunk of it.  But if extended family is contributing $20 or $50 or $300 a piece, depending on my own circumstances, I'd also try to contribute a small amount.  Contrary to some, I have not found the my SO's family assumes I'm rich or asks me for anything (and their house looks more "poor" than this one).
Met June, 2008
Visited 9 times (prior to interview trip)
Applied for tourist visa (at request of my parents) 6/2010.  Denied
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Bring Your Dominican Family to the USA - Dominicans to the USA


Offline Jenny429

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When I read these posts, I can tell who's been in this Dominican/American relationships the longest...

I am soooo sorry to hear about what happened to your sweeties house.  That is truly awful.  I will warn you.. I have seen this happen many times in the many years through the past 20 years of dealing with Dominicans..  85% of the time (like my accurate *sarcastic* analysis?) haha 85% of the time the Dominican was hoping to get their house out of block..  They don't have house insurance like we do in the states, but they've got the security and insurance of their loves.  I actually am living in the DR right now.  I have family who lives in Contui... I would be happy to investigate FOR you, if you'd like.. I know you trust him and you are sooo sure that he's telling you the truth, but all he has to do is get a little money from you... and finish the rest of the house in block.. They started to build his house out of block but ran out of money.. (You can tell, cause most houses are either block or wood.. and his is both.. It's all good.. He asks you for some money, and boom. he can finish the block by October. 

There is a good chance he is telling the truth.  I disagree with a previous post in which someone said your sweetie looks like a Tigre.. no, not at all.. Pablo looks like a good guy.. His heart is with you, but it's also about helping his family.. etc..

There may have been a fire... as it's not unheard of.. but... more than likely, it might not be the case.. I would definitely investigate BEFORE OCT.. The block will be done before than..

Jen
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6/9/2011 - Met Francisco while living in the DR became wonderful friends..
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Offline Twincactus

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You guys are really tough. I think the guy actually had a fire. He hasn't asked for money and she shouldn't give him any. She got some good advice from some posters here but I think some are being a bit hard on him. He seems like a decent guy. He has a job. He doesn't ask for money, etc. Just let things happen the way they are going to happen and lend moral support. That's what he needs now.

You guys all know what I think of most Dominican men but in this case the guy seems OK. Sorry for the loss and hope he gets it rebuilt soon.

-Tim
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Offline tlp2005

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Thank you for all the reply's, I do appreciate it!

Just a little update. There still has been no request for money.

Pablo had just returned to work the day before in Punta Cana, so he has not even been able to go back yet.

I do ask how his family is and he says, they are ok. He said, that friends are bringing them clothes. I asked where they were sleeping and he said they are all sleeping in the outdoor kitchen area. My heart stopped!

I can't even imgaine if my 63 year old mother, along with everyone else is sleeping outside.

My plan is to take it day by day and to take a few items for them when I go in Oct.

Jenny, I do appreciate your offer to investigate, but honestly I would have no idea to tell you where it is located! I just want to mention that the house was completed finished, and actually quite comfortable. It was only the new indoor bathroom that was being built out of the blocks.

In my photo's there are two houses, the first is the one in question, the second is the one with his cousins, which is all block.
The great gift of family life is to be intimately acquainted with people you might never even introduced yourself to had life not done it for you.

Offline Jenny429

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I do ask how his family is and he says, they are ok. He said, that friends are bringing them clothes. I asked where they were sleeping and he said they are all sleeping in the outdoor kitchen area. My heart stopped!

Jenny, I do appreciate your offer to investigate, but honestly I would have no idea to tell you where it is located! I just want to mention that the house was completed finished, and actually quite comfortable. It was only the new indoor bathroom that was being built out of the blocks.

In my photo's there are two houses, the first is the one in question, the second is the one with his cousins, which is all block.

Well Cotui isn't that big, I would ask first if there was a house that was 1/2 block, have 1/2 wood and did it catch fire.  I could even ask for the names.. Pablo, his mother, and his sisters. 

By the way.... I knew the house was "finished" but it looked like they ran out of money and finished it with wood many years ago... Most homes are not wood and block.  The goal here is to have a full block house.  His looked like they had started the block, ran out of money but needed a place to live so they finished it with wood (cheaper) and the tin roof..

I can't fathom how they'd loose everything inside if really it would be the wood to catch on fire.. but I guess it can happen. 

Dominicans are very practical people in most cases.. I am sure they are totally fine.. Hang in there!!

Jen
<3 Jenny <3
6/9/2011 - Met Francisco while living in the DR became wonderful friends..
2/14/2013 - Married Francisco
9/5/2013 Deposited I-130 via DCF
10/2/2013 Received NOA2
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Studying for Citizenship now.. :)

Offline MakeupLover89

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Well I am very sorry for what has happened, if it in fact happened.  (No offense) I agree with others that say don't send any money and be careful.... if he hasn't asked for any money then GOOD. Now if I was in the same situation I might send a caja with some supplies, like food, sheets, etc... but that is only if you are ABLE to. I agree with the person who said just because he lives/works over there the bar for what YOU need should not be set lower. I have been with my SO a year and a half, we are not married yet.

My entire fathers side of the family is from and lives in Cotui, so if you need someone to check I can also help with that. All I need to do is call one of my cousins/aunts/uncles up.... if you want you can PM me his last name and the area where he is from...maybe Quitasueno?

And if he works in Punta Cana then I can also check for you if you would like since my SO lives in Bavaro/Higuey (he works in the airport) and I am leaving to stay for a month over there in a week.


Best of luck...  :luv:

Offline gigi0908

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I apologize if in my previous post I was a bit harsh, but I am just stating my honest opinion. I have had family members come up with MANY lies in order to just get me to send them money. From people being in the hospital about to "die" to the house "falling" etc., only to find out from other family members that it was a lie. I am a bit skeptical when it comes to our dominican culture.

I hope it is true, and I wish your SO and his family well.

-Gisele
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Offline Luvmipapi

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HELLO :wave:

           i right dis wit PAYNE N MY  :luv: my  :luv: can onlie tak so mcuh. my tigers faml;e is hashion N surfed muCH LIK DIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! folow UR  :luv: U NVR GO RONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                      HELLO GOODBYE :wave:
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Offline tlp2005

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Just an update for you...

here is a link to the photo's of the burned house.

https://picasaweb.google.com/110908934440285022155/PabloSAfterTheFire#
The great gift of family life is to be intimately acquainted with people you might never even introduced yourself to had life not done it for you.

Offline marcfranc

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So sorry. I hope that he and his family is well. Are you still going in October?

Offline tlp2005

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thanks, yes I am still going in Oct.

They have been rebuilding, and may be close to being done by my Oct. visit.
The great gift of family life is to be intimately acquainted with people you might never even introduced yourself to had life not done it for you.

Offline marcfranc

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You are in my thoughts. I hope that all goes well.

Offline tlp2005

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Thank you marcfranc!

 I am looking forward to my Oct. visit. We will be traveling to areas I have not been to, as well as visiting his family. I can't wait to see the progress of the new home!



The great gift of family life is to be intimately acquainted with people you might never even introduced yourself to had life not done it for you.

Offline marcfranc

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And don't forget to post pictures!!!! (I really like the pictures).

Offline angelica

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Enjoy your trip Tip, and best of luck to the both of you...
CR-1
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Re: I have a heavy heart, how much can one person take before it breaks them.
« Reply #35 on: October 07, 2011, 09:53:38 am »
Thank you marcfranc!

 I am looking forward to my Oct. visit. We will be traveling to areas I have not been to, as well as visiting his family. I can't wait to see the progress of the new home!

Where are you guys traveling to?

Offline tlp2005

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Re: I have a heavy heart, how much can one person take before it breaks them.
« Reply #36 on: October 10, 2011, 01:48:27 pm »

Where are you guys traveling to?
[/quote]

Hello..just a little update. I am leaving this Sat. 10/15.
Our first night will be in Santiago, then we are going to stay at the RIU Bachata in Puerto Plata for a week, then go to the new house for 3/4 nights, (which is almost completed)  and then to Las Terrenas for 3 nights, then back home and Santiago again for my last night.

I will be happy to post some photo's once I return :)
« Last Edit: October 10, 2011, 01:51:03 pm by tlp2005 »
The great gift of family life is to be intimately acquainted with people you might never even introduced yourself to had life not done it for you.

Offline CathyB2010

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Re: I have a heavy heart, how much can one person take before it breaks them.
« Reply #37 on: October 10, 2011, 02:28:46 pm »

Where are you guys traveling to?

Hello..just a little update. I am leaving this Sat. 10/15.
Our first night will be in Santiago, then we are going to stay at the RIU Bachata in Puerto Plata for a week, then go to the new house for 3/4 nights, (which is almost completed)  and then to Las Terrenas for 3 nights, then back home and Santiago again for my last night.

I will be happy to post some photo's once I return :)
[/quote]


Well, have a safe trip..best of luck! Make sure to have alot of fun!  :disco:
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Offline marcfranc

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Re: I have a heavy heart, how much can one person take before it breaks them.
« Reply #38 on: October 10, 2011, 06:39:42 pm »
Have a safe and fun trip. And please do post those photos!

 

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